Illustration Assignment. 2012.
"Monster in Me"
I'm not afraid to say when I get lonely, my mind sinks into the abyss. It doesn't matter how happy I am, or how great my day is. It's just the fact that I've never really had friendly people approach me. I was never used to it. Because when I was younger, the loneliness that I had was nothing compared to the loneliness I feel now at times. It's intense now. With the urge to need someone at times, the urge to have someone to hold when there really isn't anyone to turn to because I think it'll become really awkward or they're too late when they want to help. So I choose to stay alone to myself until I find a way to vent, or it subsides again. I know it's not a good thing to keep emotions bottled up. I try to go out as much as possible, and it's hard for me, especially when I'm so far from home and all my close friends are 550 miles away. I only have one close friend, closest, that's here at college with me, but her alone can't handle all the pressure and frustration I emit at times like these. So I choose to hide away whenever I feel lonely- not only because I don't want it to be a recurring burden, but I know it can get really, REALLY bad if someone tries to interfere and I don't want interference. Because I know I've hurt people, due to that. And I regret it.
I also have anger-management problems.
And not to mention I hold BAD grudges.
I'm generally a very dislikeable person, but when I'm around people that make me happy, they really do make me happy and they will keep my mind astray from these dark things.
I'm also not ashamed to share personal things. There's nothing to hide.